


April 1st in the City of the Ancients

by lunabee34 (Lorraine)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: April Fools' Day, Humor, Jokes, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-27
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-17 04:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1373272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lorraine/pseuds/lunabee34
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney's not falling for this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	April 1st in the City of the Ancients

Rodney isn’t falling for this.

No way.

He’s already spewed salty coffee all over his keyboard. Thank you, Radek. How original. He nearly had a heart attack when Cadman casually tossed him what appeared to be a live grenade. And courtesy of his sister and a computer virus he absolutely will never admit is sheer genius, the inboxes of the entire Atlantis expedition contain the story of the time Jeannie caught a twelve year old and pantsless Rodney holding a ruler and a specimen cup. For scientific purposes.

Rodney is one hundred percent done with April Fool’s Day for the rest of his life. So this? Whatever this is Sheppard thinks he’s doing? Rodney’s not falling for it. 

Like now. Sheppard slouches back in his chair, lazily eating chocolate pudding; he looks just like an overgrown kid, turning the spoon over and licking the back, until suddenly there’s nothing childlike about him at all and Rodney can’t help but stare at the slow swipe of Sheppard’s pink tongue along the spoon’s inverted bowl. Sheppard’s eyes are closed and his lashes are dark against his cheeks and he makes this soft contented noise as he swallows.

Rodney clenches his jaw. Sheppard’s got another thing coming if he thinks Rodney is that easy. Ha! Rodney stands up so fast he bangs his knee on the underside of the table and takes grim satisfaction in the fact that Sheppard is so startled at the noise that Ronon manages to steal his second pudding cup. Maybe Sheppard should be in the gym honing his spidey senses instead of fellating spoons in the mess in front of people who very decidedly do not care to watch such a thing. Much.

“What’s up with McKay?” Rodney hears Sheppard ask while he’s busing his tray. He can’t actually hear Ronon’s shrug but Rodney figures that’s as much answer as Sheppard deserves.

Rodney has nearly two hours of peace and quiet in the lab before Sheppard shows up again. He’s doing that weird shy circling thing he does when he thinks Rodney’s pissed, like Rodney’s a rabid dog that Sheppard would put down if he could just get close enough. Sheppard scrubs a hand through his hair which makes it that much more ridiculous and not at all attractive in the least and then he finally slumps against the edge of Rodney’s desk. “Elizabeth wants everybody to knock off for the rest of the day,” he says. “Apparently some of the pranks are getting a little dangerous, particularly in the hydroponics lab, and she thinks some downtime is the cure.”

Rodney rolls his eyes. “I told those idiots that exploding water stops being funny in the second grade, but did anybody listen to me? No.”

Sheppard grins. “Dr. Parrish lost his entire left eyebrow in a Bunsen burner incident this morning. Beckett was trying not to lose it the whole time he was patching him up.”

Rodney forgets that he’s supposed to be on his guard and leans in to whisper, “Rumor has it that somebody—cough, Chuck, cough—saran wrapped the toilets in the guest quarters before the Daedalus docked. Caldwell had Novak beam him a dry uniform directly to the bathroom, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

“Oh, that’s perfect.” Sheppard laughs, low and sweet and with all his blindingly white teeth showing. He grabs Rodney’s shoulder with one hand to steady himself as he chuckles, his fingers warm through the cotton of Rodney’s science blues, and suddenly Rodney remembers that Sheppard is trying to drive him insane. He steps back a little, Sheppard’s hand sliding down Rodney’s arm and into the empty air.

Rodney thinks for a minute that Sheppard truly looks puzzled but Rodney reminds himself that Sheppard’s major in college was how to feign bewilderment and isn’t fooled even a little.

“So, I was thinking,” Sheppard says, and his voice is unsure now, hesitant. “I was thinking we could take a jumper to the mainland and hang out on the beach.”

Forget driving him insane. Sheppard is clearly trying to kill him. Rodney instantly fixates on a vision of Sheppard stripped to the waist, his pants rolled up over his knees, his bare toes curling in wet sand. Fantasy!Sheppard has those damn shades on and his chest is beaded over with water and he’s holding out his hand like he’s waiting for Rodney to come and take it. Rodney shakes his head and blinks away the image.

“Rodney,” Sheppard wheedles, and Rodney finds that voice incredibly whiny and irritating and the only reason he ever gives in to it is to make it go away. “I don’t want to go by myself and Ronon and Teyla are taking a field trip to MX7-093 to trade for the Athosians.”

“So I’m your third choice?” 

“Fine,” Sheppard says and breathes heavily through his nostrils. “Jumper’s leaving in fifteen minutes, McKay. Be there or don’t.”

Sheppard stalks out and Rodney guesses he’s a tiny bit sorry about that. Even if Sheppard’s idea of an April Fool’s joke is to screw around with the crush Rodney apparently can no longer hide, they haven’t had a day off like this in ages and Rodney thinks that maybe possibly perhaps in addition to his evil plan, Sheppard really does want to spend that time with him. On the way to the jumper bay, Rodney grabs a bottle of wine and the last bag of M&Ms from his quarters. He’s not apologizing; he’s just hungry. And thirsty. For wine.

Sheppard doesn’t make any snarky comments when Rodney plops down in the seat beside him. He just smiles and thinks on the HUD and then they’re skimming out over the water towards the shore.

As soon as they land, Sheppard starts stripping—first his shoes and his socks and then his shirt and finally his pants. His clothes are strewn all over the jumper like the best letter to Penthouse ever, but Sheppard doesn’t even seem to notice Rodney clutching the armrests and turning what feels like a spectacular shade of red. He just walks out in the sand, his black boxers getting smaller and smaller until they disappear under the waves.

Rodney is beginning to rethink the wisdom of this little vacation. 

He settles down in the jumper’s shade and uncorks the bottle of wine. Every so often he can see the wild shock of Sheppard’s hair bobbing among the whitecaps or one long limb stretching up out of the water. Rodney takes a deep drink of wine and when he lowers the bottle, Sheppard is standing right in front of him. 

“Jesus,” Rodney says, managing to keep his grip on the merlot. “Sneak up on me, why don’t you?”

Sheppard smirks and snatches the bottle and while Rodney is watching him drink—his throat working as he swallows, his mouth stretched around the neck of the bottle—Rodney also realizes that Sheppard’s wet boxers are clinging to him like a second skin. Rodney has seen Sheppard naked before in the showers and in the infirmary. Not that he peeked on purpose or anything. A quick look under those circumstances is perfectly natural and completely unavoidable. The point is that he’s seen the man naked before and somehow Sheppard in wet underwear is more erotic than anything Rodney’s glimpsed so far.

“Um,” Rodney says very intelligently and then Sheppard sits down beside him and Rodney’s pants wick up water where their legs touch. Sheppard hands over the bottle and then he stretches, this long catlike movement that makes Rodney think Sheppard would have absolutely no difficulty hooking his ankles behind his ears. Rodney pushes the wine bottle down into the sand until it can stand on its own and then he thumps Sheppard in the sternum.

“Just quit it,” he says. “I get it. Very funny. Ha ha. You win April Fool’s Day. Now can we just go back to when we considered our pants a matter of course and ate desserts like normal people?”

“What are you talking about?” Sheppard says.

“You don’t have to play dumb anymore. I’m on to you. You think you can drive me crazy with your sunglasses and your spoon but it’s not working. So just stop.”

Sheppard cocks his head to one side and looks slightly alarmed. “Rodney, buddy, I’m not wearing sunglasses. Or wielding a spoon. What the hell are you talking about?”

“You want to play it that way, Colonel? Fine.” Rodney gathers his courage and grabs Sheppard by the shoulders and kisses him. Never for one second did Rodney think that Sheppard would fist his hands in Rodney’s shirt and practically climb into Rodney’s lap in an effort to be closer. Sheppard’s mouth is warm and wet and pliant under Rodney’s, his stubble a pleasant scratch on Rodney’s jaw, his tongue licking into Rodney over and over again until Rodney nearly forgets how to breathe. 

“You kissed me,” Rodney says, when they finally pull apart.

“You kissed _me_ ,” Sheppard says, and drags his thumb over Rodney’s bottom lip.

“I mean, you kissed me back.”

“Well, yeah.” Sheppard grins that dopey grin of his, the one that melts the panties of alien princesses and Ascended Ancients. Rodney is, of course, immune to its effects. Mostly.

And then Rodney really gets it. “You weren’t messing with me at all, were you? You were just being…you.” He buries his face in Sheppard’s neck. “Oh, god. How will I ever live this down?”

Sheppard shrugs. “Easy. I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Good point.” Then Rodney mouths his way down Sheppard’s throat to the flat disc of his nipple and the bony frets of his ribs.*

By the time the two of them get back to Atlantis, April Fool’s Day is over. The environmental controls are back to normal, the infirmary is empty, the Daedalus is on its way back to Earth, and the stars shine down on a brand new day.

Not bad, Rodney thinks stretched out on Sheppard’s bunk with his hands behind his head. Not bad at all. And then he deletes Sheppard's email and remakes the bed because shortsheeting your CO is so very third grade summer camp and by the time Sheppard gets out of the shower, Rodney is nearly asleep in the middle of the bed and hogging both of Sheppard's pillows.


End file.
